Narcissus
by orangish
Summary: H-man, the Narcissus to Apollo, doesn't associate over coffee. / Hades/Apollo, fluffyCRACKslash, oneshot


"Hey, H-man, my man. Who the man? You the man."

Hades turns around.

"Oh!—haiku time!

_You know who the man?_

_My buddy Hades the man_

_I'm also the man_

You like it?"

Apollo's shiny, white smile is rivaling even the marble pillar he is leaning on. Winter Solstice is practically the only time the King of the Underworld was let up, so the Sun God figures he should have a little chat. Get to know him better. _Why_, he actually _really_ didn't know.

Hades' black eyes flash for a second, but he doesn't say anything and keeps on walking to the exit of the palace. He has his night black stallion waiting for him—

"C'mon, H-man. I don't see you too often," Apollo says, and Hades can hear him speed walking after him. Hades _does_ walk rather fast, after all.

Hades stops and glares icily at him, but he hasn't moved his body at all. Apollo feels a bit, just a _teeny tiny _bit chilled by that but he brushes it off.

"We should go out sometime. Get a coffee at those McDonald's joints. I bought my sis a cup this one time, but she didn't like it."

"…I do not associate over _coffee_. Especially at mortal … _joints_ like that."

Apollo grins. He's gotten Hades talking—he'd even got him to say _joints—_and that's perfectly fine with him. The rest will be smooth sailing.

* * *

Being the Sun God he is, Apollo doesn't need coffee. Too hot for an already super hot being… like himself. Iced Lattes? Now _that_ hit the spot.

The God of the Dead, on the other hand, apparently prefers hot chocolate. So it seems that they hadn't gone to get coffee after all. How Hades had gotten convinced to come with the wretched Sun God was a whole entire different story. Apollo's pleased with the feat—surely his sis would be like, _Whoa, you convinced _that_ guy to come with you to_ McDonald's_? And you _had_ to go to McDonald's? Did you get me a coffee? Latte?_

"H-man. See that cashier over there? The pretty girl?" Apollo quietly asks, nudging Hades with his elbow, causing the god's seemingly bottomless eyes to flash dangerously again. He doesn't particularly appreciate being called _H-man_ and being nudged by the Sun God, who was so repulsively _warm_ and _bright_ that it was annoying.

Apollo ignores those warning signs and shoots a smirk at Hades.

"Any experience with girls? I've plenty, but I could get you a—" the Sun God barely avoids a splash of hot chocolate thrown expertly his way. Before any can spill on his shirt, Apollo snaps his fingers and the liquid evaporates.

Hades is staring at him now, with a dangerous aura rising around him. Other people in the fast food _joint _seem to finally feel uncomfortable and they shift away from the booth the gods are sitting in, and the pretty cashier looks nervously over to them.

Ri-ight, Apollo thinks, he's got a wife.

But gods, goddesses included, almost _always _had affairs and/or one-night stands. Sometimes humans, sometimes other gods.

…Just that Hades was really enthusiastic about his wife and had very, very few affairs in his existence.

"Alright, sorry," Apollo apologizes, but he's sure he will snag Hades in an affair sometime in his life.

Hades' aura lowers, but Apollo can still feel it simmering just below the surface. At least he hadn't unleashed a blast of dark power his way. He'd have to explain to Percy and all, seeing as this McDonalds was in the area.

"So… What do you do in your spare time?" Apollo asks, attempting to cover the awkward few second silence. Even the Sun God feels awkward in front of the Death God.

Hades takes a slow sip from whatever hot chocolate he has left—most of it had been tossed at Apollo—and finally drawls, "I usually just reflect on life. And the dead."

Apollo's eyes widen a tad bit. "Woooooooow, that's _deep_," he comments, leaning back into the booth seat. "Usually when I ask people what they do in their spare time, they say they're chillin' or chasin' chicks." He shuts up when Hades sends him another warning glare again.

"See, when I have my spare time, I usually just visit the world. Like, I visited Japan, right? And then I'm into haikus now! Wanna hear one?"

Hades' eyes close and he crosses his arms.

"Fine," he answers, satisfied that the Sun God would finally say something worthwhile— he did hope it wasn't that horrible thing he had said at the palace before. Besides, if it got him to shut up and start talking a bit slower, it would be great… Poetry didn't bother him, anyways.

Apollo admires how peaceful Hades looks like when his eyes are closed. He doesn't say anything for a few moments as he just gazes at him, looking over every feature he hasn't really noticed before. For example, the perfectly drawn eyebrows, wonderfully chiseled nose—like a Greek statue by the experts—, the shiny, richly black hair, the deliciously pale skin—and Apollo starts having dirty thoughts that are normally reserved for beautiful goddesses or women at this point.

Hades cracks open an eye, making an "ahem" noise, expectantly waiting for Apollo to start his haiku or whatever it is.

Apollo jumps a little. He then clears his throat.

_Oh my freaking gosh_

_He is a major hottie_

_He is beautiful_

The Sun God flashes a grin, waiting for Hades to respond.

Hades only stares blankly. Yeah, it's only as stupid as the previous one at Olympia.

"What'd you think?" Apollo presses, leaning forward, a look of interest on his face, watching Hades' features. Hades _is_ a major hottie.

Hades shrugs, draining the cup of hot chocolate.

"God of the Sun, I did not expect you to be… be like one of the men in love with Narcissus," he says disdainfully, crushing the cardboard McDonald's cup.

It bursts into flames.

Apollo smiles, replaying Hades' words over and over in his head. _Oh,_ that rich, deep, baritone voice… Like a radio announcer! The Sun God stares into the flames eagerly licking the cup as Hades gets up solemnly.

"Seeing as I have no more business and my … hot chocolate is finished … I shall be leaving now," the God of the Underworld announces, turning around on his heel and starting towards the exit.

Apollo tilts his head, staring into the fire, completely unaware of his surroundings. Being the Sun God, he can naturally have a small control over anything that's _hot_—he wonders if he can have control of Hades, then—and focuses on the burning cup.

The rest of the people in the McDonalds stare in mute shock at it.

Before it completely burns up, the flames form a small heart, and it catches Hades' attention. The god turns back around, staring at the affectionate gesture from the Sun God.

A smirk returns to Apollo's lips as Hades marches out and disappears in a flash.

"You're the Narcissus to me, my man H-man!" he calls, but Hades is gone already. Apollo knows he's heard it anyway.

Aaaah well, he thinks, at least I learned that H-man doesn't mind poetry.

* * *

**for fun c:  
Review and let me know if I've made any mistakes. 8D **

**(-orangish-)**


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